Kiev for Nudniks, no. 473: On the Buses (1)

The visitor to Kiev who decides not to take a gamble on taxis - minimum charge these days to a foreigner 80 grivnias, or £6 – may turn his attention to travelling by bus, where flat fares are 1½ or 2 grivnia (12p-15p).

The good news is that all Kiev buses – including trams, trolleybuses and marshrutniye – of which more anon – carry their route numbers and stops on clearly visible placards. The bad news is however that these are written in Ukrainian, so those not familiar with Cyrillic script, and having a regular travel route in mind, are recommended to take a note of the bus numbers which pass them at the start of their journey, then take a taxi just once and note the numbers passing them at their destination; with luck, one or two numbers should coincide.

Having identified your route number, you then need to understand the protocols of travel. The present notes will cover the trolleybus (the word is more or less the same in Ukrainian and English) and a subsequent effort will deal with the more adventurous marshrutni.

First: boarding the trolleybus. The concept of a queue does exist in Ukraine but largely as a theoretical construct. As the trolleybus has several entrances however, just choose the one looking most promising and barge your way in with the rest. As rush hours (chas pik) it may sometimes appear impossible to get in given the crush, but no-one is ever turned away and people continue boarding even as the doors are closing on what appears to be full capacity.

When you are inside (assuming, as is likely, that you do not have a seat) and the trolleybus is under way, try to move with the rhythm. The bus will be frequently given to sudden spurts of acceleration, followed by equally sudden violent application of brakes. Do not be over- apologetic about crunching into another passenger on such occasions; people expect it and indeed such impact can often lead to friendly little conversations.

Eventually you will become aware of a little old lady shoving her way through the passengers; this is the conductress. Please have your 1½ grivnias ready in exact change – offering a 200 grivnia note may lead to severe censure. You will receive in return a kvitok. Under no circumstances screw this up or ram it into your pocket! You must seek out a kompostor - a spring-loaded punch embedded in a block of which there are several in each carriage (above left). Assuming you can reach it, place your kvitok in the slot at the rear of the block and thump the punch so that it becomes pierced. You probably won’t be able to reach it in a full carriage but if you wave the kvitok about some kindly passenger will take it from you and carry out the kompostirovanie on your behalf. You can trust them – they will return you the punched ticket. (Note: in some cases the kompostor may be a lever-operated affair (right): these are far less satisfying to thump).

You are probably close to one of the doorways, so as each stop approaches you may be asked by anxious passengers, fearful of getting stuck on the bus, if you are getting out. No one knows why people ask, as there are no recorded cases of anyone getting left behind as far as I know. A nod for ‘yes’ or a shake of the head for ‘no’ will suffice in response. If you have nodded – descend, and congratulate yourself on having achieved your maiden trolleybus ride in Kiev.

(to be continued…..)